The Great Key Farm

Ever wanted to key farm? Check below for my guide!

So once in a while, my wife and I get it into our heads that we need to get a Black Lion Ticket in order to buy the latest weapon skin. Before the Tormented Skins went up to 5, we decided that we should try to make the ugliest characters possible. Of course, this escalated into me making a huge series of different characters which contained some of the following:

  • Sir Husky, the shirtless, masculine, super sexy warrior that spent most of his whole key farm shirtless.
  • Captain Patrikson, a bearded pirate who was in love with a creepy necromancer named Death Granny–because hey, Captain Patrikson has no standards or dignity.
  • The aforementioned Death Granny, who was a creepy old lady that would lure children to her basement to take their soul. Ok, actually, she’d just flat out take people’s souls. This turned into a huge laughter fest (in a creepy way) over lines like:
    • Come in, sweetie! Granny wants to use your innards to make you a friend!
      • The lesson? Never trust a creepy old necromancer of a lady. You’d be better off going into a gingerbread house.
  • Ugly Mugg (where Big Nose Ted was a huge improvement)
  • Captain Keyrk
  • Poor Keypig (ok, the name started with me saying “Porkey Pig” and a guildie took it to a beautiful new level)
  • My terrible, ugly, Michael Jackson-David Bowie love child, whose name I completely forget (find that picture down below).
  • Benedict Cumberbatch.

That’s right. You heard me. Benedict Cumberbatch. Why? Because he’s awesome. Coolest voice on earth (tied with Leonard Nimoy, with Morgan Freeman coming in a close second).

When you can make any character you want for fun, why not make Benedict Cumberbatch?

When you can make any character you want for fun, why not make Benedict Cumberbatch?

If you could choose to be anyone for key farming, why wouldn’t you be Benedict Cumberbatch? Of course, the full name wouldn’t fit giving naming length restrictions, but come on! Sherlock, Khan, Smaug, and now an Elementalist. This guy is pretty awesome. Well, he was until he got his key… then he was deleted into the Mists, or wherever deleted toons go.


Asmund’s Guide to Key Farming

  1. Roll a Human with the commoner storyline. In timing all the quick storylines, this has been the quickest for me.
    • Hint: I much prefer using a Necromancer if I’m soloing.
      • If you choose Necro, use the intro to try to unlock as many Death Shroud traits as possible.
  2. After completion the introduction, be sure to grab a long-ranged weapon for whatever profession you’re using. Staff is usually a good choice for a lot of professions that use it, as they have a lot of AoEs, especially with the Necromancer.
  3. Follow your personal story, unlocking as many skills as possible for your chosen profession.
  4. When you reach the Personal Story quest, Infiltration, be sure to choose the hospital (not the orphanage).
  5. The Hospital in Jeopardy is much easier than Arson at the Orphanage. I find myself dying much less.
    • In your key farm, this is one of the hardest quests to do in the human commoner storyline.
    • Watch out for Deadeye Della, as her long-range attacks tend to do serious damage to an under-levelled character that key farmers are.
    • If you have too much trouble, do another heart or two to level up if needed.
    • Dodge, dodge, dodge.
    • Try to pull mobs out of the hospital, one by one if possible.
  6. Finally, you’ll reach the Commander, which is the last personal story quest before you get your key!
    • Let Logan and Anise do most of the effort on this battle.
    • Watch out for the Ministry Guards with rifles. They’ll snipe you before you get the chance to react.
    • Feel free to hang out in the cell for a little bit.
    • Once the boss goes down, you’re good to go!

Congratulations! You’ve gained a Black Lion Key! My wife and I duo it and usually take about 15-17 minutes per key. It’s an exciting thing to do, is very easy, and can sometimes be rewarding (if the great RNG gods show their favour on you), but the best part is making interesting characters–even the ugliest things you’ve ever seen.

I’ll leave my Michael Jackson-David Bowie freak to bid you adieu.

He-Who-Is-Too-Ugly-To-Be-Named

He-Who-Is-Too-Ugly-To-Be-Named

I’d love to see your ugly or creative key farmer creations! Link them below!

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12 thoughts on “The Great Key Farm

  1. Thanks for the guide! I found having a +10 power staff in my bank, popping the golem banker and rolling an Elementalist with staff-fire is pretty awesome. I was doing orphanage by some other suggestions but shall have a fiddle. 😀

      • The idea in the Orphanage is to los pull one at a time. I shall have to time a few different approaches and see which works best for me, if I remember!

      • Very weird! Maybe it’s because I tend to use a lot of AoE’s. Usually Della and Uptown Johnny all run out after me immediately, making it ultimate death. Methinks I’m unlucky.

      • Oh yes, no AoEs until you know you won’t pull the others. One at a time, strictly! If you do die, however, at least it’s only a brief run back to the orphanage. Which is another point in its’ favour, though once you get used to the method you shouldn’t die so much.

  2. I have been thinking about this. I found the level 10 quest on the noble storyline *could* be incredibly easy since you only face 2 “bosses” and no adds.I beat surprisingly quick with a level 8 thief. Then again, I was surprised at how quickly I managed it because I remember that quest to be a pain with other noble characters I’ve rolled. Also, the previous quest “visit the Wii manor” has no enemies I believe, and can be done quickly if you know who you need to talk with.
    Anyway, I haven’t really decided to farm keys, but I tend to not like characters I create and wait until I get the key to remake them. XD

      • I’m pretty sure it’s some diabolical experiment, straight out of Abaddon, Dhuum, and Menzies.

        As for the Noble storyline, I found it overly lengthy, but remember that I usually duo key farming. This means that my wife and I motor through things together!

        I totally use the Guardian with staff for it. Really helps that you have your Line of Warding to keep them all contained when you drop a Symbol of Swiftness. Talk about FUN!

      • I’ve researched the farming method a decent amount. Class preference and orphanage or hospital differs somewhat, but the vast majority agree on the common storyline for humans. 🙂

      • Yeah, I just remembered that Countess Anise also does an amazing job at the level 10 quest. (As opossed as her “meh” attempt in the noble storyline. Noble is still easier (or shorter) than the street rat.I also prefer Petra of the bunch 🙂

  3. Pingback: This week in Guild Wars 2, 19-25 April | GuildMag

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